


This Is Me Letting You Go

by shiaseeds



Category: Taynew
Genre: Angst, Five Stages of Grief, Healing Soul, M/M, Moving On, casual cursing
Language: Filipino
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25828366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiaseeds/pseuds/shiaseeds
Summary: New's life crumble as his boyfriend suddenly broke up with him while he was struggling with his internship and his thesis. Join him as he coped with the five stages of grief and the journey of healing one's self.
Relationships: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Kudos: 20





	This Is Me Letting You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another story. Matagal ko nang gustong gawin 'to, I hope you guys will like it and I hope I could give justice sa pag-aantay niyo rito. I posted it here kasi gusto ko talagang itry itong AO3 since asianfanfics at wattpad ang gamit ko dati. Okay, ang daldal na. I hope you'll like it!

**Prologue**

**Anong Nangyari sa Ating Dalawa**

* * *

> _4th of November_
> 
> _Hey notebook,_
> 
> _I honestly don’t know what to do and what to call you since I don’t know how journals work. I just use journals during internship dahil it's mandatory. When my professor noticed how I’m behaving these past few days, she suggested that I’ll use the back part of my internship journal notebook. It’s better to try jotting down my thoughts at least in writing I'm relieving my catharsis._
> 
> _**People will leave whenever they want, may you like it or not. No matter what reason they have it will always boil down to one thing, it is their choice to leave. There are small chances that people will leave because they have to, especially if you are dealing with death. They have no choice.** _
> 
> _And in my case, it was the first one. Let me take you back to where it all started._

Thesis, Internship and Relationship.

Mahirap man kung iisipin pero eto talaga ang buhay ng isang estudyanteng nasa kolehiyo. Tuwing Lunes hanggang Biyernes ang buhay mo ay iikot sa apat na sulok ng therapy room applying the things you learn for the past years. Pagdating naman ng Sabado, recap sessions in preparation for board exams and thesis consult. Ang Linggo na sana’y pahinga ay mapupunta pa sa pag-hahanda para sa mga gagawin mo sa Lunes.

At bukod sa mga activities na kailangan mong ipreprare, you also have to prepare yourself mentally, hindi naman kasi lahat ng makakasalamuha mo sa internship ay talagang makakasundo mo. This is not only limited to the co-interns dahil maging ang ibang staff or mismong Clinical Advisor mo ay iba ang ugali. And sabi nga sa Grey’s Anatomy, _**Interns are at the bottom of the food chain.**_

Ganito ang mundo ng isang intern and the only thing that keeps me sane in this hectic schedule is my **boyfriend, Tawan**. He’s the most understanding and most patient guy I ever been with. Hindi siya nagdedemand ng oras 'cause he understand my priorities right now. We have respect for each other's time lalo na't he's also doing his thesis too.

Ika-nga eto ang ideal relationship na hinahangad ng lahat. I couldn’t ask for more and this is the reason why I love him. 

  
Sa kanya ako madalas nag-lalabas ng mga kwentong hinanakit sa mga taong nakakasalamuha kong manunubok talaga ng pasensya mo (excluding my patients/clients of course) at ibang kwento tungkol sa buhay internship at sa thesis journey namin.

Ngayon ay sabado at wala kaming thesis consultation kaya’t magkikita kami ngayon ni Tawan. Usually our class will end at 4pm and saktong 4 nagtext na si Tawan na nagaantay na siya sa MCDO na halos kalapit lamang ng aming school.

Pagkadismiss na pagkadismis pa lang sa amin ay dali-dali na akong nagpunta sa MCDO para kitain siya, napakarami kong kwento at excited na akong makita siya. This will be our first time seeing each other for this month. Nagkasabay-sabay na kasi ang preparations for our first oral revalida, our chapter 2 and 3 submission plus meron pa akong everyday activities na kailangan iprepare.

I just want to hug him and spend my whole time with him. **_Nakakamiss talaga siya._**

Pagkapasok ko sa loob ng fast food chain, inilibot ko ang mata ko habang hinahanap kung saan nakapwesto ang aking jowa at hindi naman ako nabigo dahil nahanap ko siya agad. He's wearing his usual white graphic shirt and dark blue pants.

I smiled at him the first time our eyes met, _but he doesn't._ I chose to ignore it 'cause maybe I'm just overthinking since it's been a long and mentally exhausting day.

Then I immediately rushed towards him and I took the seat kung saan magkaharap kami.

"Hey, Te!" I said and smiled after I settled on my seat. He managed to smile back pero ang ngiting iyon ay parang tinipid. I ignored it again kasi mamaya wala lang pala 'yon it was just my mind playing tricks on me again. When you're emotionally and mentally exhausted sometimes your mind starts playing tricks on you kaya minsan hindi ko pinapansin whenever I'm starting to feel like that. Ayokong mag-ungkat ng issue sa aming dalawa if wala naman talagang issue in the first place. 

"Hey. I ordered your fave. Let's eat?" He said in monotonous tone. Wait, he usually calls me Hin. Bakit wala nang ganon and why is he speaking monotonously?

"Te, is there something wrong?" I picked up some fries and ate it before I tried asking, kung wala ang sagot niya I won't push it but if kung meron, I'll talk it out with him. 

"Wala naman, Let's just eat? gutom na ako." He answered in the same manner. As I said, I won't push it _even though He's lying._

"Alright. Let's eat?" We started eating in silence, he was removing the skin on his fried chicken while I was busy pouring some gravy on my plate. I know something IS wrong. I already asked him but ayaw niyang magsalita. What am I suppose to do? hulaan ko kung anong mali sa kanya? Did I do something wrong?

"I had a rough day today. Ang hirap ng exam namin kanina, it was about Parkinson's disease." I tried opening up a topic for us to talk after contemplating numerous times kung magsasalita ba ako o hindi. Hindi ako sanay na ganito siya, he usually the one who ask me first kamusta ang araw ko or did someone pissed me off today. What surprised me most was his response. 

He just nodded. _He freaking just nodded._

"Are being serious right now Tawan?" This is where I snapped. Eto pinaka-ayoko sa lahat, tumataliwas lahat ng sinasabi mo sa kinikilos mo. May mawawala ba if you'll be honest for once? instead na mapagusapan ng maayos manganganak pa ito ng problema. 

"What? I am listening." kumunot ang kanyang noo nang sinagot niya ako pero hindi pa rin niya nagagawang titigan ako, he's just there, separating the meat of the chicken from the bone. 

"Clearly something IS wrong. Tinanong kita kanina if you're okay then you answered wala and now you are acting like this?" Tuloy tuloy nang lumalabas ang mga salita sa bunganga ko, hindi ko na mapigilan sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung dala ba ito ng stress but I am getting frustrated at him. 

"Just drop it, New." He remained uninterested. Parang ibang tao ang kasama ko ngayon. Hindi ko maintindihan why is he behaving this way. 

"I told you we will talk it out kung may problema diba?" 

"But I don't want to talk about it, can you at least let me eat my dinner in peace?" Nagulat ako sa sinagot niya. Aalma pa sana ako pero kinimkim ko na lang at pinagpatuloy ang pagkain ko. I just wanted to understand him and comfort him the way he usually does to me pero bakit ganito? 

Napakatagal na binalot ng katahimikan yung table namin. I wanted to break the silence but I am scared na baka ano na naman ang masabi niya. 

"You wanted to talk diba? Let's talk now." Biglang sabi ni Tawan habang kinakain ko ang caramel sundae ko. Natigilan ako dahil ngayon na lang ito lumingon sa akin at tinitigan ako. I stared right into his pitch black orbs, seeking the usual sparkle in his eyes pero hindi ko na makita. Dito na ako nagsimulang mabundol ng kaba. 

"Let's break up. I am tired of this shit." Same monotonous tone remained and he's emotionless. Hindi ko mabasa kung anong emosyon niya at mas hindi ko maintindihan bakit ganito? Bakit biglaang sinabe yung tatlong salitang hindi ko inaasahang sa kanya mismo manggaling. 

"I am tired of this relationship. Hindi ko na maramdaman na may boyfriend pa ako. Magpaparamdam ka kung kailan mo lang gusto, magpapakita ka pag maluwag lang yung schedule mo? Paano naman ako?" Tuloy-tuloy niyang sabi, hindi ako makaimik. Sa buong pag-aakala ko, nagkakaintindihan kami ng set-up naming dalawa at akala ko okay siya rito 'cause I always make sure and ask him if okay siya sa sitwasyon namin lagi niyang sagot oo at naiintindihan niya. 

But what is happening? bakit ganito? biglang ganito? 

"Are sure about this?" Ito na lang ang mga salitang kayang lumabas sa bunganga ko bukod sa labis na pagkagulat, masakit na marinig ang mga salitang 'yon mula sa bibig niya mismo. We've been together for 4 years already at this stage, we should be established na. Kilalang kilala na namin isa't isa maging mga magulang namin kilala na rin kami and knowing we are part of the homosexual community, sobrang big deal at nakakaproud na legal kami on both sides. 

"Yes, I wanted a normal relationship, New." Sobrang nanlaki ang aking mga mata sa gulat dahil sa kanyang tinuran. Hindi ako makapaniwalang lumalabas ang lahat ng iyon sa kanyang bunganga. **A fucking normal relationship?**

"Hindi ba tayo normal sa paningin mo?!" Tumaas na ang tono ng boses ko, hindi ko na mapigilan, any time sasabog na ako dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. I promised to be patient with him but seeing him sprouting things like this, nauubos ang pasensya ko.

The Tawan I know hindi kayang sabihin ito sa akin. 

The normal relationship he's pertaining about was a heterosexual sexual relationship, the only relationship the society CAN accept. Parang dinudurog na ang puso ko sa sakit dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. Hinding hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi niya ngayon, mas lalong hindi ako makapaniwala na ganito ang tingin niya sa relasyon namin when we've been together for **four fucking years.**

"Hindi, hindi na nga tayo madalas magkita nagtatago pa tayo sa mundo. I just want a relationship that I can be proud of." _**So hindi ka pala proud sa relasyon natin?**_

"Fuck you!" Hindi ko na napigilan sarili ko't binigyan siya ng isang malakas na suntok sa mukha at tska mabilisang lumabas ng fast food chain na 'yon.

_He never stopped me and I never looked back._


End file.
